It's hard to believe that there have been more than one turn of the seasons since the last time I wrote for this blog. Not that I haven't thought of things I'd like to post, but nothing coalesced properly or in a timely manner. Today I've had the benefit of time and thought converging, finally...thus, a post!
I have been watching the pagan community on YouTube for months now, listening to the thoughts of several different paths and seeing the demonstrations of practice. It's a wonderful place to gain first-hand experiences and differing points of view, and I enjoy each new post that pops up.
Something that has always bothered me about my own spiritual journey, and something that has come up in a few different YouTube videos lately, is the concept of hypocrisy or contradiction. As a society we tend to hold the view that belief is something sacred and unchanging...those who "lose faith" are looked down upon, as are those who can't seem to settle on one spiritual path. "Seekers" are only accepted if they are seeking what the respondent has "found," and not always even then. Many times I've heard statements to the effect that one should "bloom where planted" spiritually, whether because it is too difficult to change, or because it is unfair for children to feel their parents' spiritual instability.
Specifically in YouTube videos, the question becomes "am I contradicting my opinions from earlier videos?" Because YouTubers are in the public eye, they seem to feel a need to be steady in their beliefs and what they share with others. In a way, that's laudable...no one wants to take advice from someone who will only change their minds in a few weeks, particularly on something so integral as their spiritual path. On the other hand, Mandi See was particularly insightful this morning when she pointed out that by not allowing ourselves to change and evolve in our beliefs, we hold ourselves back from journeys we may need to make in our spiritual path in order to grow.
I have to admit to having feelings of being wishy-washy and wishing I could go back and "delete videos" from my life when my path takes a different turn. Was I wrong to have thought a particular path was for me, when later it was revealed not to be? This desire not to be wrong does me a disservice when my ultimate goal is to learn as much as I can and grow as a human being. I need to look back at my path and think, "look how far I've come, and how broadly I've traveled!" not "look at all the wrong turns in my past." I would not be who I am today without having gone through the turns that I did, and I do believe I am a better person for it. I simply need to let go of how others view me, and look to how I view myself. I am not contradictory, I am growing, and these new leaves shade the leaves that came before.
